I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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