Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
i now understand why vodka
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
