I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
