Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
