All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
