Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
How does one acquire holy water?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
