I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
