Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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