Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
