....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
