Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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