And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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