how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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