im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
