She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
