I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
He passed out mid-signature
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
