the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
