You're so nebulous sometimes
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
