I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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