Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize