Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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