i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Randomize
