Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
