He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
