I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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