Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
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