i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
