And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
