I cannot find my penis.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
