Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
