The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
People in love make me want to vomit
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
