we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize