epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
