ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
