I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
