the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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