Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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