Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
