hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
