i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
