i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize
