Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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