Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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