I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
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