Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I touched a dick in church today
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
