ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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