i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
