I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
