Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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