is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I have feelings that need drinking.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
