omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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