hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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