we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
