I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Randomize
