I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
