After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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