I murdered the dance floor call the cops
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
