I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
