No stitches, just platelets and will power
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Randomize
