did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
