When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize