True but thats because hes a fetus.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
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