Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
