Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize