I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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