I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Acid is not a monday night drug
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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